Posted in Videos about Alcoholism by .
Aug 11
16
The Alcoholic Insanity Continues
Well, my son survived almost 3 months in Arizona. That’s us above outside the Denton House in Phoenix. He started out at a halfway house in Mesa, where he worked at a political call center just long enough to get his first check, then went on a 5-day drinking binge. When Mother’s Day came and went without a word from him, I texted him and found out about the binge. He had called 911 and they sent a van to take him to a detox facility. The next day he was transferred to a halfway house in Phoenix called Denton House. He really liked this house and the people there.
The premise of these halfway houses is that you pay around $100 a week and must go to 90 AA meetings in 90 days. This particular house was actually an old apartment complex where 8 men share an apartment. They are given 1 prepared meal a day by the house and the rest is on their own. The Phoenix area has wonderful public transportation with the buses and the metro rail system working together to get people around locally or to surrounding cities.
Over Memorial Day weekend, I flew to Phoenix to visit my son. We had a good time together, visiting the Mystery Castle in Phoenix and going to the Grand Canyon. I met the managers of the Denton House and one had nothing but good things to say about my son. I had renewed hope that he was in the right place. He seemed happier than I had seen him in a long time. He had a good AA sponsor who was working with him on the steps. I paid for 2 weeks rent for him so that he wouldn’t be asked to leave the house.
After I returned home, my son took a job with one of numerous companies in that area that claim to teach people how to own and run their own business. Basically, they start them out by selling perfume/cologne in malls and shopping centers to strangers. He enjoyed the work, but just couldn’t seem to make any sales. That fact, combined with the pressure of doing his 4th Step in AA, caused him to fall off the wagon once again. Luckily, this binge only lasted 1 day, but it also caused him to get kicked out of the Denton House for 3 days. He was forced to spend 2 nights in the homeless shelter in downtown Phoenix that he said was an eye-opening experience. At first he wanted to come back to Alabama, but I knew he wasn’t ready to come home yet. So his family once again came together and paid what was owed at the house so he could return and also paid 2 weeks future rent.
Since he had no internet access except for 1 hour a day at the public library, I began putting in job applications for him online. He also applied to jobs when he would go to the library. We put in applications everywhere, but no calls came. His two weeks rent ran out and he asked if he could come home. I couldn’t afford a bus ticket for him, but my good codependent mother did.
So now my son is back home and things have not gone well. He lasted 2 weeks, going to AA daily, until his paternal grandparents gave him money last weekend. He lied to me about having it and while I was at work last Monday, he got drunk. At first I was outraged and very angry. I told him he would have to leave once again. He was in such bad shape that he wasn’t physically able to leave until Wednesday. By then I had prayed for guidance and dealt with the awful gut feelings and the fact that if my son did die in his alcoholism, I would survive. God would give me strength to go through whatever is in store for my son. This gave me peace and, after giving control over my son’s life to God again, I came to the decision to let him stay. I told him I would not kick him out, but that I would not longer give him money or support his habit.
August 16 – I let this post rest for almost a month before finishing it. Not much has changed as far as my son goes. When he has money from donating plasma, he drinks. When he doesn’t have money, he doesn’t. I know that he is in a daily battle between good and evil. God wants to do something amazing in his life, but the devil is fighting hard to keep him in his sickness. I just keep praying and believing. We have been attending a new church together called The Vineyard where the pastor has been preaching on signs,wonders, & miracles. I know that God can heal the alcoholic, because I witnessed this in my late husband who was delivered from alcoholism. But I also know that sometimes God heals in other ways. The 12 steps of AA were based on Biblical principles and if worked and practiced can help an alcoholic recover from his disease. Then they are equipped to help other alcoholics. So I wait for a miracle in my son’s life, either through divine deliverance or through AA.
Posted in Ramblings about Alcoholism by .
May 11
9
April 27 Tornadoes
On April 27, 2011, in many parts of my home state of Alabama, life as we know it came to a screeching halt. Several large tornadoes, including the EF5 tornado pictured here, ripped across my beautiful state, leaving death and destruction in its path. My little part of the state was spared the death & destruction, but power went out and did not return for 6 days.
When I look back on those powerless days, it really wasn’t as bad as I would have imagined. I had a Coleman 2-burner stove, 2 small propane bottles, a grill, a battery-powered radio, candles, 2 oil lamps and lots of candles. Luckily, one small town 20 miles west never lost power and 25 miles to the north was the TN state line where power was also available. But getting to either place to purchase supplies or gasoline proved to be quite the adventure. But I, and some friends, managed to make it work. Blessedly, the weather was fairly cool, at least the nights were, so sleeping wasn’t that hard. Cell phone service was spotty at first, but by day 3 had cleared up and worked fairly well. I was so happy to have a Smartphone so I could get limited internet access. A curfew was put in place from dusk to dawn and most people did abide by it.
I was also grateful that my alcoholic son wasn’t here to make it an even more stressful time. He is still in AZ, but just came off a 5-day drinking binge and had to go to a detox facility. Found that out yesterday on Mother’s Day. Typical. But today he was taken to a halfway house in Phoenix where he claims he will finish the program and stay sober. Maybe he truly has hit his bottom this time, knowing that no family members were out there to rescue him and almost dieing of alcohol poisoning all alone in a motel room. Anyway, enough about that.
I have to say how proud I am of the awesome people here in Alabama. They are pulling together and helping their friends, neighbors, and even strangers clean up the debris and start them down the road to recovery. There were minimal incidents of looting during the week-long power outage. I never felt afraid in my pitch dark city at night. Neighbors helped neighbors in whatever way they could and shared whatever they had available. It has truly been a time in history that I will never forget. There is still a long road ahead for many people and I plan to do my part in volunteering my time and money.
I was only 10 at the time of the 1974 tornado outbreak that hit a lot of the same areas but I still remember the people’s lives that were changed that day. I remember that I was on jury duty during the 1989 tornado outbreak that destroyed parts of the city that I know call home. Maybe it will be another 20 years or more before we experience this many tornadoes in one day again. But we need never forget the incredible power that nature can unleash when conditions come together just right lest we become complacent. Please keep the people of Alabama in your prayers in the weeks and months to come.
Posted in Other Thoughts by .
Apr 11
25
Let Go
I found the following on the back of a church bulletin while sitting in a church waiting for an Easter egg hunt to start this past Saturday. As “letting go” of my son is something I have been dealing with in my life right now, I felt it was God’s guidance that made me pick up the bulletin and read this.
To “let go” does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “let go” is not to cut myself off. It’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To “let go” is to admit powerlessness which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another. It’s to make the most of myself.
To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “let go” is not to be protective. It’s to permit another to face reality.
To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To “let go” is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
Posted in Other Thoughts by .
Apr 11
19
Letter to my alcoholic son
Dear son,
It’s Sunday morning and you are 1600 miles away in AZ. Even though you are 27 years old, you have never been so far away from home before. I hope and pray that I have thrown you far enough away from the nest this time that you will fly, fly, fly for your life.
I can’t say it’s been easy for me since you left Monday evening on that big Greyhound bus to start your new life. At first I was so happy just to have you gone. I had been angry and upset when, once again, you left The Way, quit a good job and went on a drinking binge. Once again, just when things started looking up for you, you decided to self destruct. My rational mind just couldn’t comprehend how you could so easily lie and manipulate everyone around you. I had been praying so hard for you and wanted to believe in you so badly. But as soon as you moved back here, the insanity started almost immediately. I can see that now.
My heart was broken, once again, when I came home Thurs evening and you were gone. As usual, no note… nothing. When I noticed your toothbrush & toothpaste were gone, too, I knew you wouldn’t be back for a few days. I wasn’t surprised though. You are so predictable in your drinking pattern. But I did feel totally used and totally stupid for thinking things would be different this time. You had gotten your drivers license back, put money down on a car, and was driving for the first time in 2 years. You had a good job that would pay your payments and allow you to move in with a roommate. You had been sober for over 30 days. But you just weren’t ready to handle the pressure that these new responsibilities put on your life. So you cracked and escaped with your best friend, alcohol.
My 50th birthday came and went on Fri with no word from you. It probably didn’t even enter your mind that it was my birthday. Your disease makes you incapable of caring about anybody but yourself and your wants/needs. The only use you have for other people is what they can do for you. But I determined that I was going to have a good day on my birthday… and I did. I knew that you were probably with your old loser friends. I also knew that, if you survived this drinking binge, you would eventually find your way back here, hoping to find a good meal and soft bed.
True to form, when I got home from church on Sun you were here. While you were gone, I had come to peace with the fact that I was done trying to help you. God had revealed to me the reason I had been holding on so tightly to you. Because I had lost both my husband and my father to death in 2006, I was so afraid of losing my only child to death, too. But God had given me the strength to survive that loss, and He would also give me the strength to deal with whatever happens to you in your life. I can’t go back and change the things I did wrong when raising you, which I know were many. But I also can’t allow you to shirk your responsibilities in life and drink yourself to death right under my nose.
So while online I found the Transitional Living Communities in Mesa, AZ and you agreed to go out there and give it a try. We both knew that you couldn’t live here with me any longer. Like I said, I was happy at first when you left on that big bus… but it’s getting harder to deal with and I’ve been sad more than usual. I guess I really need to go to Al-Anon. I thought the umbilical cord has been completely severed when you went into the program at The Way, but I guess there are still some strands that didn’t get cut. Thus the pain I am feeling. Don’t worry about me though because I am strong and I have a loving God that watches over me.
You must decide to quit being a victim of your upbringing. In my mind the jury’s still out on whether alcoholism is hereditary or not. You could have come by it honest. But I think it’s just another way you escape from the reality of life along with your video games and music. You enjoy being alone, which you did get from me. I’ve always been somewhat of a loner. If you want a good life, though, you must learn to live life on God’s terms and to love & help others.
What else can I tell you that I haven’t already said hundreds of times before? So I will end with “I love you so very much and pray for you every day. Embrace AA and the 12 steps, get rid of all the baggage you carry around, learn to live honestly, and talk to God every day. Make wise decisions, but own up to your wrongs. Fly, my son, FLY!!!
Love,
Mom
Posted in Ramblings about Alcoholism by .
